daily roundup

2006-10-23T18:02:00.000-04:00

Baby Joy!

EXCLUSIVE: KATE IS HAVING A BABY
SUPERMODEL Kate Moss is pregnant with Pete Doherty's baby, his uncle said yesterday.

And gardener Phil Michels added that the couple were overjoyed at the news.

Well I, for one, think it's great !

2006-10-23T17:49:00.000-04:00

Dead On

I love this post onthe best and worst things about New York...these are my favorites:

New York is the best place to be heartbroken and aggressive and reckless about it.
If he took your heart, you don't need it. What is a heart, anyhow, it's just a word for suckers. You need bars and drinks so serious you laugh out loud. You need corners. You need the company of drunk strangers. You need to look back at him, that stranger, when he eyes you, across the way there, you need to look right back at him, you need to maybe even talk to him, maybe even take him home, maybe even get up afterwards and say well, thanks, that was nice, and then just never call him again, just let him dissapear like he never existed, like how you felt about him before you met him, because this is New York and you can. Go online. Someone, anyone, is near. Someone will pay you for what you planned to do already.

New York is the worst place to be heartbroken and sad about it.
You can't cry like that, out in public, with people looking, I mean, looking away. You can cry in major transportation hubs, just a little, you can cry in Grand Central if you want, or Penn Station maybe but you can't just cry like that on the street. You are making the street uncomfortable. Napkins don't grow on trees. The waitress is in the back kitchen telling everyone everything you are saying. She's writing it in her blog. There is no where to hide. There's no crying in baseball. Stop it, get sunglasses, go home, even if home is the last stop on the Q. Try not to cry all the way there. If you take a cab, the cabbie will ask and he'll tell you a beautiful girl like you has no reason to cry. If you cry on the train, you will attract lunatics. You will let them hug you,

(via Gawker)

2006-10-19T14:41:00.000-04:00

The gayest thing I've ever seen

Has Tommy Hilfiger come out of the closet yet? Because...Come on...He looks like Liberace.

2006-09-21T13:54:00.000-04:00

The Oogie Boogie Party

So we got to infiltrate Mike Boogie's Big Brother celebration party at Le Deux on monday. It was quite a scene...C-list reality stars and hollywood douchebags as far as the eye can see. So really, actually, a typical night at a typical Hollywood "hotspot".

For the most part, all of the BB all-stars that we talked to were actually really nice and friendly and seemed like decent human beings- though we purposely avoided the Oogie Mike Boogie, in silent protest of his mysogynist antics. Kaysar was very personable and it turned out that I had gone to UCLA with his friend who was there with him. Marcellas was a doll. And Dr. Will really does seem to have the kind of charisma that enables him to be such a manipulative bastard.

The highlight of the evening was a cameo appearance by Neil Patrick Harris, or as I like to call him, NPH. But, sadly, we missed our moment to get a picture with him. :(

2006-08-29T18:21:00.000-04:00

Stars are Blind...Syphilis will do that to you

This story is too funny:

Paris Hilton is furious with Cher’s son for claiming that the two had sex — and that then he worried that he caught something from her.

Elijah Blue Allman, Cher’s son by rocker Gregg Allman, went on the Howard Stern show last week and boasted that he had a fling with Hilton before she was famous. Allman, who is the lead singer and guitarist for the band Deadsy, said that after the encounter, he became so worried that he might have contracted a disease that he went downstairs and scrubbed his private parts with a household cleaner, probably Tilex.

Hilton is “not happy” about Allman’s comments, says a source, even though he described Hilton as a “sweet girl.”

P.S. How much do you love the pics I found to illustrate this? I don't know WHAT the deal with that Tilex ad is, but I heart the internet!

2006-08-25T14:58:00.000-04:00

This is really messed up.

Check out this email Matt sent me. Apparently MSNBC.com employs some homophobic, misogynistic programmers:

Okay, first I saw the from MSNBC where Ann Coulter insinuates Bill Clinton is gay and calls Al Gore a "fag." I would not be shocked to hear her say that on Fox, but on MSNBC? Chris Matthews is an ass, but I thought NBC had some respectability. Why did Chris Matthews laugh at her little joke and say he'd love to have her on again? Why didn't I hear of this before?

Then I decide to search on MSNBC.com to see if they had coverage of it (an apology...) Search for "fag" on the website and you don't get any info on my friend Ann Coulter. However, the first link is to the Lance Bass coming out story. Where, I might add, the word "fag" never appears, also on the list of links is a story about gay former Gov. James E. McGreevey where the term "fag" does not show up. Another story that shows up in the search is one on Jerry Falwell's failed attempt to sue a gay website, again no "fag" here. Why is it that the search engine would be designed to bring up these stories when searching for the term "fag" ?

I put on my thinking cap ('cause it's late) and came up with the crazy notion that MSNBC must have their search engine geared to pick up stories on minority groups based on the slurs associated with them. So I tried it. I tried slurs for the other usual suspects: Blacks, Jews, Lesbians, Latinos and nothing came up other than stories about people using those slurs. All I have to say is Fuck MSNBC! I am going to write one long and angry letter....

p.s. I totally forgot about women as a group, so i typed "bitch" and only got stories actually used the word. I was almost ready to give up, but tried "cunt" and right there was a story about Cindy Sheehan, which in case you were wondering didn't have the C word in it.

Send this to anyone you know who might care and have them write an angry letter too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I might add here that the "cunt" search also brings up a story on Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. Nice, MSNBC, real nice.

Try it for yourself. Just type "fag" or "cunt" into the search engine on their homepage and see for yourself what happens...

UPDATE: MSNBC.com was notified about this several times since thursday 8/24 and yet it still has not been corrected!!!

UPDATE 2: ok, they fixed it as of this afternoon, 8/28. It's about damn time!

2006-08-15T16:51:00.000-04:00

Single Leathery Female
Nicole Ritchie is seriously turning into her stylist, Rachel Zoe. All she needs is few more, botox-free, years of hard partying and sun damage, and the transformation will be complete.

2006-08-14T19:25:00.000-04:00

Paris is Burning

This take on the new Paris Hilton Hello Kitty doll is great...

"... Gallery of Absurdly make Paris Hilton Doll for American fans today because your heart are thirsting for wishness to be like Paris. She realistically created with dress pulled up to show scary parts underneath when dancing in nightclub or showing offness to paparazzi of camera.

Plincess Paris comes with two friends: Crabby and Tinklebell. Tinklebell pup having sadness because she used as fashion accessory instead of like other dogs. Her wishness is to frolicsome in breezy meadow with refresh, but Paris not let her. Crabby live under dress of Paris Hilton and enjoy happy time with plenty of air and sunshine. Paris like to shamelessly show Crabby off and one sees photos of him all over internet if one should look closely with braveness. Wishness of careful feeling of satisfaction beauty? Please buy doll after acknowledgement of scornful. Your dreams come true in spirit of happy vapid."

2006-08-07T13:03:00.000-04:00

This man is disgusting
This article on Joe Francis, the founder of Girls Gone Wild, is facinating and repellent at the same time. If you ever had any doubts as to what a sick, misogynist, date-rapey pigfuck this guy is, I suggest you read this and get back to me.

"Francis has the confidence, charm and sly intelligence of a back-slapping fraternity leader. He can be persuasive, to a degree, when he argues that "Girls Gone Wild" is just something that gives a good time to all. On the plane, his feet kicked up onto the seat in front of him, he turns to me and ponders what kind of footage his crew will gather that night. He hopes the girls will be pretty, he says. Pretty and wild. He says he loves women, is crazy about them. But sometimes it doesn't sound as though he is. The words he chooses, the stories he tells—they make a different point."

I totally agree with this. He doesn't love women at all - he's the type of scum that coerces girls to take off their clothes and then laughs at them for doing it.

2006-07-25T18:46:00.000-04:00

It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye

I love this roundup of Top-10 Most Awesomely Violent and Dangerous Children's Games, which features the classics like dodgeball, slip n' slide, and swimming pool chicken, all of which have been responsible for a good share of emergency room visits...

Just about every summer kids everywhere sit around, eat, and play video games while cultivating crippling diabetes. But some kids still manage actually get up and occasionally go outside to play age-old childhood games that have been passed down from generation to generation. Most of these popular games are extremely dangerous and, in some cases, illegal...

This one is my personal favorite, because I think my cousin David actually DID break his collarbone in this manner:

#7 King of the Mountain
How beautifully simplistic was this game? This must have been created by the poorest children in the world, because all it requires is a mound of dirt and no respect for your physical well-being. Boys of various sizes vie for the highest position on top of said mound, with the largest boy inevitably claiming the spot and maintaining it by smacking down his scrawnier assailants until he was either bored, recess was over, or someone broke their collarbone.

2006-07-20T13:49:00.000-04:00

That's just wrong.

This? Is gross.

Cute-as-a-button child star Dakota Fanning, who turned 12 in February, is venturing into sexually disturbing territory in a movie being filmed in North Carolina.

The screenplay for "Hounddog" - a dark story of abuse, violence and Elvis Presley adulation in the rural South, written and directed by Deborah Kampmeier - calls for Fanning's character to be raped in one explicit scene and to appear naked or clad only in "underpants" in several other horrifying moments...

Jesus, I know she wants to be seen as a "serious actress" and all, but the girl is freaking TWELVE YEARS OLD!!! Can't she wait a few years for her Oscar? I really can't believe that her parents would want her to do a scene like this. It's just wrong. The words "sexually disturbing" and "Dakota Fanning" should not be used in the same sentence together. Or at least not for a few more years, until she begins her descent into meth, anorexia, and porn.

2006-07-17T16:27:00.000-04:00

Maybe he's from Great Neck?
WTF is up with this Project Runway contestant's neck? Why didn't someone tell him that if you have a giraffe neck, it's probably best not to tattoo a lengthy treatise onto it, which will only serve to emphasize the heft and girth of said neck?

UPDATE: ok, so this image (from TVGasm) might be a little photoshopped...but still, it's really not that far off!

UPDATE 2: Here's another, non-photoshopped, pic (via four four) that depicts the insanity of The Neck. It's really quite something...

2006-07-14T17:55:00.000-04:00

"I've looked at life from both sides now"

This is so interesting...

Male Scientist Writes of Life as Female Scientist

Biologist Who Underwent Sex Change Describes Biases Against Women

By Shankar Vedantam
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, July 13, 2006; Page A10

Neurobiologist Ben Barres has a unique perspective on former Harvard president Lawrence Summers's assertion that innate differences between the sexes might explain why many fewer women than men reach the highest echelons of science.

That's because Barres used to be a woman himself.

In a highly unusual critique published yesterday, the Stanford University biologist -- who used to be Barbara -- said his experience as both a man and a woman had given him an intensely personal insight into the biases that make it harder for women to succeed in science.

After he underwent a sex change nine years ago at the age of 42, Barres recalled, another scientist who was unaware of it was heard to say, "Ben Barres gave a great seminar today, but then his work is much better than his sister's."...

2006-07-14T13:53:00.000-04:00

Oh the humanity.

Dear. God. TvGasm posted a dissection of the MySpace profile belonging to Jordan from The Hills (the follow-up show to Laguna Beach) and it seriously makes me fear for the future of humanity. Now it's not like I thought this kid was any sort of braintrust or anything. I mean, he DOES date Heidi, the girl who once said "It's like, if my friend has a trust fund and doesn't have to work, why do I?". But this level of stupidity is really quite something to behold. To wit, here are some items from his "Random Things About Me" section:

"Beverly Hills = Best place in America"
"I love eating butter fingers"
"Fishes are cool animals dont hate on them"
"Underneath our kitchen bar area we draw on it"

I don't even know what to say...Here's more, as narrated by TvGasm:

Then there's that dreaded category. The one with the "B word." You know what I'm talking about: books. Jordon is pretty adamant when it comes to this crazy category. "Read, no thanks. I'd rather be doing somethin [sic] more interesting. But for those of you kids who like it, nothing against you." THANKS. I like how he acts like the "kids" who read books are some crazy breed of alterna-lifestyle freaks. Yes, Jordan welcomes all of God's children, even those gross ones who touch books. Luckily, Jordan doesn't need literary stimulation. He has other passions to "persue."

Oh, and also feast your eyes on this brilliant piece entitled "Eating Doritos":

Friday, June 09, 2006 Eating Doritos

Have you ever been eating doritos and then all the sudden one just gets stuck in your teeth and you cant seem to get it out? Well this is my story:
Ok so today I was watching; Stephen and his friend Clay v.s. Jason and Lauren's little brother Brandon play baseball on x-box. And I was just sitting here on the computer chatting away to a friend. Well anyways I go to take a bite of dorito and it got stuck in my tooth. Like in-between. It took 49 minutes to get it out (literally). Then after it came out, you know me I go and do it again. And you wanna know what the damn dorito is stuck AGAIN, and i cant seem to get it out.
Haha thanks for reading my pointless blog, i love to share with you all.
-Jordannnn

Can you even imagine what would happen if Heidi and Jordan were ever to reproduce? The resultant offspring might possibly become the most useless, social-climbing, work-avoiding, piece of trash to ever skulk around the VIP room at LAX. And that's saying a alot.

I really hope that the rest of the country understands what we are dealing with here in LA. We have to take in all of your pretty but mind-numblingly vapid, lazy, and entitled garbage who move here every day, like Jordan, to

"persue" acting, modeling, and music "carrers"

These useless fools clutter up our freeways, drive up our rental market, and give us regular folk- who are not able to devote 24 hours a day to Pilates, the Zone, and Mystic Tan- some serious body image issues. I hate them. But why can't I stop watching?...

2006-07-06T14:51:00.000-04:00

Separated at Birth

Are Amy and I the only ones who've noticed the uncanny likeness between Paul Dinello (Mr. Jellinek on Strangers with Candy) and Thom Filicia (the interior design expert on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy)?

Check it out below for yourself...the top two pics are Thom Filicia while the bottom 2 are Paul Dinello...but would you have known if I didn't tell you? Ok, and if Thom's pic didn't say his name and Paul's wasn't with Amy Sedaris? Seriously, its weird.

2006-06-22T13:40:00.000-04:00

Count the Bones, with Kate Bosworth!

Watch out, Kate Bosworth's going to put someone's eye out with her breastplate! Mmmm, bony sternum is so hot right now!

(pic at Us Weekly, via Defamer)

2006-06-21T19:21:00.000-04:00

The Rules

These are my favorite entries from NY Mag's Urban Etiquette Handbook, though they are all quite amusing and applicable:

Is it ever acceptable to talk to a stranger on an elevator?

If there are six or fewer people on the elevator, no. However, if the group is larger than six, you have achieved an Elevator Humor Quorum and someone must make a remark about the elevator’s lack of size or speed in order to relieve the tension created by standing in a tiny space with six or more strangers. If another member of the group makes the remark first, Elevator Humor Solidarity obligates you to chuckle mildly.

What do you do if you see someone crying at work?

Rather than approaching your co-worker with concern or consolation (a further imposition) or ignoring the tears entirely (a sign of coldheartedness or contempt), ride the line with a reaction that has become a mark of just this occasion: the Unobtrusive, Empathetic Wince. Cast a second glance toward the weeper (who will be looking at you to gauge the damage). Scrunch your face as follows: Push your bottom lip up toward your upper gums to create a combination smile-frown, add some worry brows while nodding or tilting your head, then glance down and away. That sends the message “I understand, I will not interfere, and your secret is safe with me.

Is it okay to smoke pot at a party?

Marijuana is considered by most New Yorkers under a certain age (and over a certain age) to be harmless at the least, and at the most a public good that belongs equally to all people, like radio airwaves and the national parks. Nonetheless, it is always imperative to ask the host before lighting up any sort of THC delivery system, and consumption is always forbidden if there are children or teenagers present, or if anyone in the room is 30 years older than someone else in the room. An exception to the latter rule exists, however, if the elder reveler is overheard discussing a “gig” or relating an anecdote involving Janis Joplin.

What’s the best way to split the check in a group?

At a group meal, an equal split should be the baseline expectation: It falls to those who ordered more-expensive dishes to offer to pay more, not to others to pay less. Failure to partake in the appetizers or the wine can be cited as a reason to cut one’s contribution only if there was some socially sanctioned reason for declining (veganism, Islam, pregnancy). If you just got the soup and you don’t think that’s fair, well, think about whether it’s “fair” to make your friends eat dinner with a buzz-killing cheapskate.

2006-06-21T14:17:00.000-04:00

Dream a Little Dream

This seems too good to be true:

'80s idols to reunite for 'Coreys'
Former teen heartthrobs Corey Feldman and Corey Haim have teamed with RDF USA ("Wife Swap") on "The Coreys," a hybrid improv comedy that would center on fictional versions of themselves a la "Curb Your Enthusiasm."...

..."The Coreys" picks up with Feldman living the comfortable suburban life with his wife Suzie and son, until circumstances bring his old pal Haim back into the picture. Episodes would follow Haim -- single and the total opposite of Feldman -- as he shakes life up for the Feldmans.

(via Defamer)

2006-06-19T14:32:00.000-04:00

Wrong on so many levels

Nicole Richie’s father, Lionel, reportedly promised his daughter and some friends a Caribbean yacht cruise if she’d put on weight. “Lionel thought some of Nicole’s pals were encouraging her to stay skinny,” a source told the London Sun. “So he thought if he gave them an incentive to get Nicole to put weight on then that would help her.”

(The Scoop)

Who are these evil friends that have to be bribed to stop enabling her slow death? I thought she wasn't friends with Paris anymore?

2006-06-16T17:12:00.000-04:00

World's Best Baby Daddy

Best Week Ever Blog has posted some hilarious Celebrity Father's Day cards. These 2 were my favorite but they're all really good- there's one for K-Fed, Tom Cruise, and Prez Bush...

2006-06-15T18:52:00.000-04:00

Adventures of Keira Knightley's Jaw

Ok, I know I haven't posted in a million years- I've been both busy and lazy- but this website that was on popbitch today was just the motivation I needed. I'm not sure why I think it's so funny...but I do.

It's called Adventures of Keira Knightley's Jaw and it chronicles the jaw's activities like so...

"We Hear...That Keira Knightley's Jaw and Jessica Simpson's Cleavage partied hard down at the city's Meatpacking District last week..."

2006-05-12T17:36:00.000-04:00

The Undead

Ugh, Terry Hatcher looks like a corpse....

...and so does Nicole Ritchie, but what's new?

(via D-Listed)

2006-05-10T17:26:00.000-04:00

Wow.

Scientologists are so damn creepy.

He is really out of his tree.

(via D-Listed)

2006-05-09T17:36:00.000-04:00

This is so sick.

Ugh. Lindsey linked to this sick Father-Daughter Purity Ball "

"a memorable ceremony for daughters to pledge commitments to purity and their fathers to pledge commitments to protect their girls."

Then I googled "purity ball" and you would not believe how many there are!!! It's so sick...check out this one:

"The purpose of the Ball is to celebrate and honor the vital relationship between fathers and daughters. It gives fathers the opportunity to commit to God to be a living example of purity for their daughters. Also the opportunity is given to the daughters to commit to purity in their lives or in some cases to renew that commitment."

I love the "or in some cases to renew that commitment". That's for the whores.

This whole thing just makes me queasy....It's got Joe Simpson written all over it.

2006-05-04T16:28:00.000-04:00

"Let Me Explain Why I Am So Distressingly Skinny"

I can't wait for the new issue of Vanity Fair where Nicole Ritchie is going to switch gears from "I don't know what all the fuss is about, I look the same as I always have" to "Yes, I'm skeletal and it's disgusting and I haven't a clue why".

Check out early excerpts of what Defamer brilliantly calls the "Let Me Explain Why I Am So Distressingly Skinny" series, on VF's website:

Nicole Richie tells Vanity Fair contributing editor Leslie Bennetts that her current weight upsets her and she's doing something about it. "I know I'm too thin right now, so I wouldn't want any young girl looking at me and saying, 'That's what I want to look like.' I do know that they will, which is another reason I really do need to do something about it. I'm not happy with the way I look right now."

(drawing from Gallery of the Absurd)