Friday, October 29, 2004

For those who can't get enough of AshleeGate...

iPod's Ashlee Simpson Karoke Edition Posted by Hello

Love this...

Never Miss A Beat
Like no other, iPod Ashlee Simpson Karaoke Edition stands out. Virgin white, it features the new Apple Fast-Forward Click Button and, on the flip side, complete how to use instructions. Available for just $349, it comes with enough money to use a pay phone for calling your daddy, your agent or both, when you get caught lip syncing live on national television. We have also included some Kleenex for those special times when your entire fan base realizes your nothing but a talentless hack.

My fave "feature" is:
Have a hoedown without fear - 25 minutes of skip protection

(via the superficial)


Thursday, October 28, 2004

America's Next Top Virtual Model

Virtual Reb Posted by Hello

Check out this website called My Virtual Model which helps you create this "online you", theoretically to be able to "virtually" try on clothes...but really just to check yourself out. I actually think that mine looks pretty much like me...scary, really. (via gloryfades)

Hot Catholic Lovin'

yummy Posted by Hello

Check out the beefcakey priests in this Hottie-Priest-of-the-Month calender -July and October are particularly cute - It's almost enough to make this nice Jewish girl consider converting over to the dark side...
(via popbitch)


Monday, October 25, 2004

If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy...

Coincidence?... Posted by Hello

...I think not... Posted by Hello

Is Dave trying to position himself as the next Rod Stewart?

(Dave, this post was Leah's idea, so get mad at her, not me...I just couldn't resist - the comparison is too good)


Sunday, October 24, 2004

Breaking News: Ashlee Simpson, a poseur fakey dumbass

Oops! Posted by Hello

When Leah called me with the news this morning it seriously made my day- Ashlee Simpson was totally caught lipsynching last night on Saturday Night Live. Check out the article on NY Daily News:

In the key of fake

Teen songbird Ashlee Simpson had a microphone malfunction on "Saturday Night Live" last night, scurrying off stage when a production glitch caught her lip-synching the wrong tune.

The pop star, younger sister of singer and TV star Jessica Simpson, sounded great belting out "Pieces of Me" in her first segment on the show. It was the same song that she butchered at August's MTV Music Video Awards, drawing withering reviews for a flat, out of key performance.

But the triumphant moment turned into a debacle when she came out to debut the song "Autobiography" for a second set. But whoever was responsible for piping in a studio-engineered rendition for Simpson to mouth screwed up, playing "Pieces" once again.

The raven-haired beauty hopped around briefly, then slinked off the stage as her hapless band half-heartedly faked away. It didn't take long for critics to vent their rage on Ashlee Simpson's official Web site...
The funny thing is that they edited it for the west coast broadcast so that you couldn't tell that she had been lipsynching- which allowed her to blame it on her band, saying that they started playing the wrong song. Puh-leeze. Check out the video of the east coast broadcast to see for yourself. Be sure to note the idiotic leprechaun jig that she breaks into while she's trying to figure out what to do.

Bonus insider gossip:

Leah's husband knows someone who works backstage at SNL who said that Ashlee threw a full-on temper tantrum when she stormed off stage- locking herself in her dressing room, throwing shit around- and her mom had to come tell her to pull it together, get back onstage, and act like a professional. Love it. Wonder whose idea it was to blame it on the band?...what a bee-yotch.


From Lucky Magazine interview:

LM: What are your takes on lip-synching?

AS: I'm totally against it and offended by it. I'm going out to let my real talent show, not to just stand there and dance around. Personally, I'd never lip-synch. It's just not me.


Friday, October 22, 2004

The BikerFox Phenomenon

Bikerfox Posted by Hello

This website
is really very hard to explain, but believe me, it is well worth your time... This guy, Frank DeLarzelere AKA BikerFox of the World, seems to be some sort of biking enthusiast/inspirational speaker/glamour shots afficiando...There are many strange things going on here...

Welcome to the world famous BikerFox Tulsa Phenomenom where tricks are for kids. This website is for kids 1 to 101 years of age. So if you are an old person, you have come to the wrong place. Our goal is to continue to lift the spirits of folks around the world. We know the presence and aura alone has changed many people's lives around the universe and especially his home town. Here is proof that I am a positive and uplifting person that enjoys life...
And the proof appears to be his glamour shots?

Secondly, his BikerFox profile:
BikerFox is 5' 10" and 155lbs with naturally curly brown hair. He has lost over 90 pounds since he began riding a bicycle 5 years ago. His heart rate averages 35-40 beats-per-minute, and blood pressure is 110/70. Born in 1958 in Monroe, LA, BikerFox was delivered in the mouth of an alligator that his father had to cut off in order to save his life. (The alligator survived and went back to the swamp lands)
What? What does this mean?

check out the socks... Posted by Hello

...Then, check out some of his philosophies...

The secret to happiness is telling yourself you are happy, even when you are not.

The nicest, most patient people are the leaders in business, and around the world.

The only way to feel like you are supposed to feel, act like you are supposed to act, and do like you are supposed to do is by exercising!

Is this a cruel joke?

(via Black Table)


Thursday, October 21, 2004

Save Mary Kate!

MK, a cutter?  Posted by Hello

More drama surrounding the emaciated Olsen...Is she a cutter? Is she going to join the ranks of the NYU suicidal? Is that just a clever photoshop job? Only time will tell...I tried hard to figure out what magazine this "star insider" image is from, but I can't find it anywhere, so the veracity of the photo may be questionable...thanks to Whatevs for pointing it out...and for the Heathers/Big Fun reference. Hee!

I Heart ANTM

Kelly, AKA Snout Posted by Hello

Funniest quote ever from this week's episode of America's Next Top Model:
"I've been in denial about my snout...you're very limited when you have a snout"
- ANTM's Kelly, searching for a explanation for her expressionless visage.

PS I HATE Amanda. That bleached blond blind bitch has got to go!

Lady In Red (I love you)

Sick Sick Sick Posted by Hello

So Leah called me today with a theory that the classic prom song, Lady In Red, by Chris De Burgh , is really written by a gay man to his fag hag. Her rationale? That no straight man is going to notice the "highlights in your hair that catch your eyes", no matter how in love he is with you...

I'm not sure if I'm on board with the fag hag theory, but I do have a bone to pick with "Lady in Red". Namely that it is the sickest song ever...The way he gets all whispery and weepy is disgusting.

Like in the part where he goes: "The lady in red is dancing with me...Cheek to cheek"...The way he huskily whispers the "cheek to cheek" makes me want to puke...bleccch.And then at the end where he breaks down and is basically weeping as he chokes out "My lady in red...(I love you)".

But the worst part is how the song has ruined red dresses forever! Now, if a woman is wearing a red dress, she is either secretly hoping or secretly dreading that someone will be thinking of her as the "Lady in Red".

Take the girl in the picture above (found via random googling). She is clearly loving her "Lady in Red" look. So much so, that the caption on the website even reads "Cue for a Chris de Burgh song while Jody dazzles the crowds". Gross. (By the by, if you're bored, check out the website, which is an unintentionally hilarious depiction of some weird dinner/dance).


Thursday, October 14, 2004

Extreme PDA

Get a room! Posted by Hello

...please!... Posted by Hello

What is WRONG with Anna Kournikova and Enrique Iglesias? Why are they constantly in the middle of an Extreme PDA moment? Why can't they have sex inside like normal people? At least most of the time...I don't know, but if I had cameras and reporters stalking my every move, I'd be a bit more discreet. Luckily, no one cares about me so I can be a big old ho-bag where ever I want!


Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Fat Cats

Magic the Cat... Posted by Hello

I've been meaning to post this for a while...There's this children's book called "Magic Thinks Big" about a big, fat, indecisive cat...
In this charming adventure, Cooper takes readers into the mind of a sizable tabby cat. Sitting in a doorway, Magic has a big decision to make: "Should he go in? Or out? Or should he stay right where he is." Not one to waste energy, the cat ponders his options at length and uses his imagination to consider all of the possibilities. Perhaps getting a bit carried away, he muses about catching a salmon and riding on the back of a moose to an island to share it with some friendly bears. However, in the end, it is revealed that Magic has not moved a muscle.
Now check out Brian's cat, Howard, who I have been arguing suffers from morbid obesity, tipping the scales at 18.5 pounds.

...Howard the Cat Posted by Hello

The resemblance is striking, is it not?


Monday, October 11, 2004

Oh Dear

What the... Posted by Hello

Stereogum has posted some really god-awful pics of Britney caught in a quasi-nose pickin' moment with what appears to be zit cream all over her face. Also, her hat says "Carpe Assum, Seize the Ass". It's really awful. So bad that it makes me think the picture must have been doctored. I don't know. You be the judge. I can't look at it anymore. It makes me feel weird.


Thursday, October 07, 2004

My Fave Show

Like most unemployed people, I've been watching a lot of TV lately. And what that means right now is I've been watching A LOT of The Surreal Life. Honestly, it is the best show ever. It is sheer genius and I sincerely wish that I could get a job as one of the casting people.

What I have been pondering lately, though, is just which season of the show is my favorite. They all have their strong points. Season 1 has the excitement of watching roly-poly Emanuel "Webster" Lewis break-dancing and the horror of Corey Feldman singing his god-awful single. But Season 2 has Real World Ho-Bag Trishelle unsuccessfully trying to hook up with Vanilla Ice- multiple times- and then being called out on her skankiness by none other than Sally Jesse Raphael and her red glasses! And finally Season 3 has the psychotic chemistry of the most unlikely couple of all time- the barely intelligible Flava Flav and the insane giantess Bridgitte Neilson. I would like to take an informal poll- what do you all think? Which season is the best?

Season 1: Freakish Former Child Stars Posted by Hello

Season 2: Drunken Slutsville Posted by Hello

Season 3: Crazy Love. Literally. Posted by Hello


Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Worst. idea. ever.

Umm..as someone who is currently looking for a job, I find this terrifying...(via whatevs)

There is no conclusive data on the spread of blogs to the job market, largely because they are difficult to track, said Michael Gartenberg, a vice president and research director at JupiterResearch in New York who covers blogs. But based on anecdotal information, he said, people are using blogs on both sides of the job search process.

"It's a trend on the rise right now," Mr. Gartenberg said, "especially for employers, who get a much better sense of a person this way. Résumés and interviews are a very scripted process; read someone's Web log and you get a good sense of that person's thinking and perspectives."
Dear God. Can you imagine if any of my potential new employers read this blog for a sense of my "thinking and perspectives"? I think I will stick to the "scripted process" of resumes and interviews, thank you very much! No need for anyone who might be thinking of paying me money to witness my blathering on Paris' slutty narcissism, the brilliance of The Surreal Life, or people who get off on hanging themselves from meathooks...


Monday, October 04, 2004

This Ain't No Disco...

I know, I know, I've been totally neglectful of this blog. Britney's had, what may possibly be the trashiest wedding of her lifetime and where was I? But I've had a lot going on, you know? Like major life changes- leaving the job, relocating across the country, etc. So now, after a tearful goodbye to New York, I've arrived safe and sound in LA...my posts may be spotty until I get my computer and wireless card up and running, but they will be coming...

For now I will tell my first LA Story...So it's my first night at my new place. Heather and I had just returned from a night on the town and were getting ready for bed when we hear a woman outside screaming for help. Being the socially conscious citizens that we are, we called 911 and ran outside, along with the other neighbors. Apparantly there has been a rash of break-ins and car thefts recently, so people are on edge. Anyway, what we found was a wasted chick from San Diego who had been "abandoned" by her friends at some bar without her purse or cell phone, had no idea where she was, and decided the best course of action was to plop down on the corner and scream bloody murder. Of course the neighbors were quick to be all "so you two've got this under control, right?"...So we had to let her use our bathroom and talk to the cops and all...in the end her friends came looking for her and were like "we didn't abandon you, you wandered away and we've been looking for you for over an hour". Oh the drama...Welcome Back Reb!!!


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