Wednesday, August 31, 2005

As Nasty As They Wanna Be

This article about the reality-whore trainwreck show Kill Reality almost made me puke...

The whole cast was drunk or wasted throughout the taping, and everyone was having sex with everyone else,” says the insider. “Not only were there orgies, but at one point someone relieved himself on Trishelle [Canatella, of Real World: Las Vegas and Playboy fame] in full view of the cameras—and, from what I saw, she loved it.” In another booze-fueled bacchanal, we hear Tonya Cooley, the lusty blonde of Real World: Chicago fame, begged co-stars to do lines off her genitals “because it turns her on.”
Oh dear god. Just thinking about the putrid STD-stew in that house is giving me crabs. Bleccch.


Monday, August 22, 2005

American Pie Survival Rate Looks Bleak

Wow, time is not treating these American Pie actresses very well at all...

Back in the good old days...Natasha and Tara in American Pie, circa 1999...

Natasha's mugshot in 2001 and of course the mess that is Tara Reid in 2005.

Remember the Jane Magazine article back in April that talked about Natasha Lyonne's downward spiral into drugs and general filth, written by her former friend and landlord, Michael Rappaport? Now it seems that, probably inevitably, things have gotten even worse. Access Hollywood and the NY Post are reporting:

...Natasha, 26, is struggling to survive in New York City's Beth Israel Hospital intensive care.

Reportedly, Natasha is suffering from hepatitis C, a heart infection, a collapsed lung and is covered in track marks.

She's also undergoing methadone treatment – typically used to help heroin users...
What a mess. I'm glad I couldn't find a more recent picture of her. It sounds like at this point she would make Tara look like the very picture of sobriety and healthy living. Quite a feat indeed.

(pics via Smoking Gun and D-Listed)

So You Think You Can Smile?

If you watch the show So You Think You Can Dance?, you are familiar with said show's superfluous host, Lauren Sanchez (who also anchors several local news shows in LA).

I hate to do this to her, since she apparently just got married this weekend...BUT...I'm going to anyway...

I going to be frank here, this woman scares the shit out of me. She is the ultimate Hollywood C-List Casuality. She can't be older than, what? 35? but she has already had so much plastic surgery that her face is beginning to take on a JaniceDickinsonian likeness.

Now I'm not saying that she's not attractive at first glance, but when you notice how stiff her face is and how her eyebrows are psychotically arched up into the middle of her forehead and how she appears to have some sort of painfully sharp cheek implants...then you realize that she has been totally reassembled and must look nothing like the original model. To wit...

This is what she looked like before (most) of the work was done...

And this is what she looks like now...

(pics via TVgasm and rickey.org, who helpfully provides a breakdown of her possible surgeries)


Friday, August 19, 2005


I love fourfour's breakdown of the upcoming season of America's Next Top Model...he's already begun critiquing the models, because:
...if there's one thing ANTM has taught me it's that you can judge a book even before you see its cover because what the hell is a book?...
(Love it!)

Even though I know that this will only resonate with a select handful of people who've watched Dirty Dancing way too many times (namely women in their late 20's and most gay men), he has hit it so dead-on with this one that it is frightening...

"Like a cross between Gina Gershon, that older-woman floozy in Dirty Dancing, and a penis."

Come on, people...this is genius.


Thursday, August 18, 2005

WTF: Presenting...Carrot Top?!?!

Can this pic of Carrot Top be for real? When did he get so beefy?
(via DListed)


Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Lucky gets lucky

Hilarious commentary (and screencaps) from TVgasm on the most recent episode of Surreal Life:

...Back at the Surreal House, it was "contrived slumber party" time, and each guest could invite a friend. Pepa brought in Spinderella, which was pretty cool. Janice brought some loser named Vince, Caprice invited some girlfriend, Hart brought in his boy, and Jose brought his dog, Zeus. Balki brought...no one. Geez, I knew the dude was a loser, but this is getting sad. Where was Cousin Larry for Christ's sake? Help a brother out! In the end, Zeus and the resident 3-legged dog Lucky seemed to have the most fun, except when poor Lucky was trying to get lucky, he kept falling over due to his missing appendage. Yes, I was watching gay crippled dog sex on my TV and laughing at it. Is that bad?...

Hee! Oh, TVgasm, you kill me!


Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Tara Reid (and her jugs) Must Be Stopped

Tara Reid seems to think that hosting Wild On- or as it's now called, "Taradise"- gives her license to perpetually act like a 17 year-old on Spring Break in Daytona...Problem is, she's 30. Pull it together, Tara. Please...

These pics and more at OhNoTheyDidnt)


Friday, August 12, 2005

Paging Jeff Van Vonderen and Candy Finnegan!..

Ugh, someone needs to do an intervention with Teri Hatcher, pronto!...she is starting to head into Lara Flynn Boyle territory again. Nasty! Look at her legs!


Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Guilty Feet Have Got No Rhythm

Anyone who's seen my coffee table, ipod, movie collection, or Tivo knows that I don't feel too guilty about my Guilty Pleasures (Star Magazine/Kelly Clarkson/Dirty Dancing/Real World-Road Rules Challenge, respectively)...but I still can relate to this article, Guilty Pleasures, Embarrassing Truths...

...You too have a secret favorite, and the chances are you can’t even admit it. You rationalize it by saying something like, “it’s just mindless entertainment that helps me unwind,” or that you “sometimes need to shut your brain off,” or worse yet, “it just reminds me of…(insert boring nostalgic story here)”

The real truth is that you have terrible taste, and no soul. You watched You Got Served on HBO last month. You laugh every time you see Men in Black. You whistle along to Patience, and you’d rather watch “Fear Factor” than anything on the Discovery Channel. Welcome to the club...

Sing it, Sister! It's time for us all to come clean, drop the act, and get over it...If you secretly prefer Chasing Liberty to Citizen Kane, say it loud and say it proud...despite the ridicule. You'll feel so much better.

I may be a Crazy Cat Lady

OMG, I am loving this site stuffonmycat.com!...It reminds me of the late Oolong, the rabbit who balanced stuff on his head. So cute...
(via Defamer)


Monday, August 08, 2005

Here we go again?

I hate to say it...but...take a look at these pics of Courtney Love at Comedy Central's roasting of Pamela Anderson and tell me there is ANY POSSIBLE WAY she could really be sober? Poor Frances Bean...she and Bobby Kristina should really get together..I think they'd have lots to talk about.


Friday, August 05, 2005

With Arms Wide Open?

This is pretty awesome...though I do feel (very slightly) bad for the guy...

Scott Stapp, former lead singer of the pseudo-Christian torture factory that was Creed, provides an object lesson in how to fuck your C-level celebrityhood beyond all recognition.

Short Story: Scott Stapp gets thrown off of a plane for being a drunk fuck, hits on some skeeze at the airport bar, and then has his filthy skank sister drive him all over Florida searching for his mystery cooze.

This amazing journey takes them to a Gainesville, Florida Denny's, whereupon he is viciously mocked by his adoring fans.

The story becomes incandescent with delicious detail at this point. The Lexapro, the coke-fuelled pussy hunt, getting robbed by an LJ troll, and having his girlfriend's receipts for boob jobs stolen.

These are the links to the long version of the story...

My favorite part...

The girl who is keeping track of him via cell phone convos lets me know that Creed has been in fine form so far tonight. Here is how one of the conversations went:

Creed: "Do you have an accoustic guitar with you in Gainesville?"
Her: "Um, yeah."
Creed: "Good, maybe you can help me write my new hit single!"
Me, after hearing the story: "I applaud your ability not to vomit at that."

(via Stereogum)


Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Baby Got Backpack

Stereogum points to a humourous NY Post article...

OH...my...God...Becky. Guess what Target's new theme song is?

It's none other than Sir Mix-A-Lot's ode to big booty," Baby Got Back," remixed for the back-to-school crowd as "Baby Got Backpack."

"I like backpacks and I cannot lie..."

(You and other pre-schoolers can't deny?)

The commercial features young kids dancing around in their backpacks to the carefully rewritten 1992 frat hit. Chances are the target audience won't get the reference, but their parents may be humming, "My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hon." It's ironic that a song that was once banished by MTV into the late evening because of fly girls shaking their rotund rumps now has a place on a commercial aimed at kids....

...Some commercial song choices that didn't quite make sense include:

Artist: Iggy Pop
Title: "Lust for Life"
Pitching: Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines
It's really about: Shooting up heroin
Sample lyric: "Here comes Johnny Yen again/With the liquor and drugs/And the flesh machine/He's gonna do another strip tease."

Artist: Goldfrapp
Title: "Strict Machine"
Pitching: Nintendo Game Boy Advance
It's really about: A sex toy
Sample lyric: "I get high on a buzz/then a rush when I'm plugged in you/When you send me a pulse/Feel a wave of new love/Through me."

Artist: Sixpence None the Richer
Title: "There She Goes"
Pitching: Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo (birth control pills)
It's really about: Heroin
Sample lyric: "There she goes/there she goes again/she calls my name/pulls my train/no one else could heal my pain/and I just can't contain this feeling that remains."

Artist: Creedence Clearwater Revival
Title: "Fortunate Son"
Pitching: Wrangler jeans
It's really about: Being anti-war, anti-government and anti-rich
Sample lyric: "Some folks are born made to wave the flag/Ooh, they're red, white and blue/And when the band plays 'Hail to the Chief,'/Oh, they point the cannon at you, Lord."

Artist: Janis Joplin
Title: "Mercedes-Benz"
Pitching: Mercedes-Benz
It's really about: Poor people succumbing to capitalism and materialism via the ultimate upper class status symbol.
Sample lyric: "Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes-Benz?/My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends."


Monday, August 01, 2005

Fergie IncontinenceGate 2005

So the Black Eyed Peas performance at Street Scene this past weekend was controversial for many reasons. First of all, they were 45 minutes late for their 1 hour set, which pushed back the whole lineup and angered people greatly. Bottles were thrown, innocent punctual band members were thrown to the wolves, etc...

After they finally took the stage, they did apologize profusely, which was much appreciated. Then a disheveled Fergie ranted about how they would not let her into the venue and that "something is wrong here, San Diego!". I had my doubts about this excuse and my skepticism was borne out when we heard that Street Scene staff actually discovered her bouncing around on the inflatable slide when she should have been onstage...but these are merely rumors and allegations and I digress...the major source of controversy was actually much more interesting...

...Namely, what the hell is that between Fergie's legs? Did she piss her pants? Is it just sweat? Or something far worse? You be the judge...keep in mind that by the end of the show the wet spot was at least 4X the size of the last picture, reaching almost down to her knees...

(Pics via SignsOnSanDiego and OhNoTheyDidn't)


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