Tuesday, July 25, 2006

It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye

I love this roundup of Top-10 Most Awesomely Violent and Dangerous Children's Games, which features the classics like dodgeball, slip n' slide, and swimming pool chicken, all of which have been responsible for a good share of emergency room visits...
Just about every summer kids everywhere sit around, eat, and play video games while cultivating crippling diabetes. But some kids still manage actually get up and occasionally go outside to play age-old childhood games that have been passed down from generation to generation. Most of these popular games are extremely dangerous and, in some cases, illegal...

This one is my personal favorite, because I think my cousin David actually DID break his collarbone in this manner:

#7 King of the Mountain
How beautifully simplistic was this game? This must have been created by the poorest children in the world, because all it requires is a mound of dirt and no respect for your physical well-being. Boys of various sizes vie for the highest position on top of said mound, with the largest boy inevitably claiming the spot and maintaining it by smacking down his scrawnier assailants until he was either bored, recess was over, or someone broke their collarbone.


Thursday, July 20, 2006

That's just wrong.

This? Is gross.
Cute-as-a-button child star Dakota Fanning, who turned 12 in February, is venturing into sexually disturbing territory in a movie being filmed in North Carolina.

The screenplay for "Hounddog" - a dark story of abuse, violence and Elvis Presley adulation in the rural South, written and directed by Deborah Kampmeier - calls for Fanning's character to be raped in one explicit scene and to appear naked or clad only in "underpants" in several other horrifying moments...
Jesus, I know she wants to be seen as a "serious actress" and all, but the girl is freaking TWELVE YEARS OLD!!! Can't she wait a few years for her Oscar? I really can't believe that her parents would want her to do a scene like this. It's just wrong. The words "sexually disturbing" and "Dakota Fanning" should not be used in the same sentence together. Or at least not for a few more years, until she begins her descent into meth, anorexia, and porn.


Monday, July 17, 2006

Maybe he's from Great Neck?
WTF is up with this Project Runway contestant's neck? Why didn't someone tell him that if you have a giraffe neck, it's probably best not to tattoo a lengthy treatise onto it, which will only serve to emphasize the heft and girth of said neck?

UPDATE: ok, so this image (from TVGasm) might be a little photoshopped...but still, it's really not that far off!

UPDATE 2: Here's another, non-photoshopped, pic (via four four) that depicts the insanity of The Neck. It's really quite something...


Friday, July 14, 2006

"I've looked at life from both sides now"

This is so interesting...

Male Scientist Writes of Life as Female Scientist

Biologist Who Underwent Sex Change Describes Biases Against Women

By Shankar Vedantam
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, July 13, 2006; Page A10

Neurobiologist Ben Barres has a unique perspective on former Harvard president Lawrence Summers's assertion that innate differences between the sexes might explain why many fewer women than men reach the highest echelons of science.

That's because Barres used to be a woman himself.

In a highly unusual critique published yesterday, the Stanford University biologist -- who used to be Barbara -- said his experience as both a man and a woman had given him an intensely personal insight into the biases that make it harder for women to succeed in science.

After he underwent a sex change nine years ago at the age of 42, Barres recalled, another scientist who was unaware of it was heard to say, "Ben Barres gave a great seminar today, but then his work is much better than his sister's."...

Oh the humanity.

Dear. God. TvGasm posted a dissection of the MySpace profile belonging to Jordan from The Hills (the follow-up show to Laguna Beach) and it seriously makes me fear for the future of humanity. Now it's not like I thought this kid was any sort of braintrust or anything. I mean, he DOES date Heidi, the girl who once said "It's like, if my friend has a trust fund and doesn't have to work, why do I?". But this level of stupidity is really quite something to behold. To wit, here are some items from his "Random Things About Me" section:
"Beverly Hills = Best place in America"
"I love eating butter fingers"
"Fishes are cool animals dont hate on them"
"Underneath our kitchen bar area we draw on it"

I don't even know what to say...Here's more, as narrated by TvGasm:
Then there's that dreaded category. The one with the "B word." You know what I'm talking about: books. Jordon is pretty adamant when it comes to this crazy category. "Read, no thanks. I'd rather be doing somethin [sic] more interesting. But for those of you kids who like it, nothing against you." THANKS. I like how he acts like the "kids" who read books are some crazy breed of alterna-lifestyle freaks. Yes, Jordan welcomes all of God's children, even those gross ones who touch books. Luckily, Jordan doesn't need literary stimulation. He has other passions to "persue."

Oh, and also feast your eyes on this brilliant piece entitled "Eating Doritos":
Friday, June 09, 2006 Eating Doritos

Have you ever been eating doritos and then all the sudden one just gets stuck in your teeth and you cant seem to get it out? Well this is my story:
Ok so today I was watching; Stephen and his friend Clay v.s. Jason and Lauren's little brother Brandon play baseball on x-box. And I was just sitting here on the computer chatting away to a friend. Well anyways I go to take a bite of dorito and it got stuck in my tooth. Like in-between. It took 49 minutes to get it out (literally). Then after it came out, you know me I go and do it again. And you wanna know what the damn dorito is stuck AGAIN, and i cant seem to get it out.
Haha thanks for reading my pointless blog, i love to share with you all.

Can you even imagine what would happen if Heidi and Jordan were ever to reproduce? The resultant offspring might possibly become the most useless, social-climbing, work-avoiding, piece of trash to ever skulk around the VIP room at LAX. And that's saying a alot.

I really hope that the rest of the country understands what we are dealing with here in LA. We have to take in all of your pretty but mind-numblingly vapid, lazy, and entitled garbage who move here every day, like Jordan, to
"persue" acting, modeling, and music "carrers"
These useless fools clutter up our freeways, drive up our rental market, and give us regular folk- who are not able to devote 24 hours a day to Pilates, the Zone, and Mystic Tan- some serious body image issues. I hate them. But why can't I stop watching?...


Thursday, July 06, 2006

Separated at Birth

Are Amy and I the only ones who've noticed the uncanny likeness between Paul Dinello (Mr. Jellinek on Strangers with Candy) and Thom Filicia (the interior design expert on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy)?

Check it out below for yourself...the top two pics are Thom Filicia while the bottom 2 are Paul Dinello...but would you have known if I didn't tell you? Ok, and if Thom's pic didn't say his name and Paul's wasn't with Amy Sedaris? Seriously, its weird.


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